Tackling Imposter Syndrome While Learning to Code
How I describe imposter syndrome and when it affects me the most
My experience with imposter syndrome manifests as a feeling that no matter how much I learn, I am still a novice and every time I accomplish a task, finish a project, or debug some code, that I am somehow still not capable.
It affects me most when I am presenting my code or when I am working my way through a project or task and I hit a wall. When I hit the wall, it feels as though it is just reinforcing my insecurities and highlighting my lack of abilities, rather than what it really is… a typo, a bug, lines of code contradicting themselves/overriding itself, etc. Instead of focusing on it as a roadblock that even experienced coders go through daily. It is not always a quick google search away. And honestly, the fact that I know now how to phrase the question means that I am already miles ahead from where I started when learning to code.
I believe it affects me most in these cases when coding, because it is a reminder that I am still new to programming, code logic is not always intuitive in the beginning of learning JavaScript, and learning another language is just plain difficult sometimes!
I think it also stems from the internal pressure I put on myself to try to become as good and intuitive as I can, with the belief that otherwise I will have a more difficult time competing on the job market. Which is true, but the pivotal point is not upon me yet, that comes in after I have graduated boot camp and after I have built up a portfolio and am actively on the job market.
Lately, I also try to take some time away from the computer screen, meditate on the issue at hand by visualizing myself as being at the base of a tunnel or well, looking and seeing a hole with light coming through and then walking or climbing towards it. I cannot say why, but this visualization focuses my mind on a single task, blocks the rest out and allows me to come back to the computer screen more focused. This does not always work, but it has been helping.
What have I learned about the tech world that makes me happy this week?
I have learned that there are some fierce support groups for women in tech, especially in Austin. Which is very encouraging. I am hoping that soon I’ll be able to make it to some of the meetups to start relationships with these groups!
Why is the way we talk to ourselves in our inner mind so important?
It can affect our well-being since the more anxiety and stress you add to your internal monologue, the harder it is to break free of those “walls” or mental blocks. It can also make it more difficult to see the forest through the trees. It is also difficult to allow your mind to wander and give yourself the creative license needed to be able to come up with different ways to approach a problem to find the solution- or a more elegant one than is currently on your initial google searches.
What part of learning to code with no experience is most challenging (this week)?
Learning JavaScript thus far has been the most difficult. It took me a little over a month to really feel more intuitive with HTML and CSS, so I think it will come down to being patient with myself and staying consistent with practice and coding.
I am growing through this process in that the code itself in the JavaScript is less intimidating and I am better able to find my own bugs (or narrow it down to a couple lines of code), thus allowing me to find the answers easier.
Does listening to coding and programming podcasts help?
For me, yes… But not while I am in the middle of coding.
I find it most useful, for me in the mornings because while getting ready and making coffee they give me reinforcement for some of the jargon and makes the terminology less foreign. However, the application of it is just repetition and takes a while for me to get that “a ha” moment and everything for one tiny aspect to fall into place!
How has my spare time looked this week compared to what it looked like a year ago?
A year ago (Feb 2020), I was working 40–50 hours a week, volunteering 10–15 hours a week, writing, and reviewing peer-review manuscripts and attempting to travel the world. I was always busy, always tired and had a difficult time turning my brain off.
Now, I am still working, but volunteer work and travel are not really an option given the pandemic. I am instead focusing on learning to code, trying to take care of my physical but also my mental health and figuring out the logistics for a cross-country move during a pandemic… Do not fret, the move will be as safe as possible and get me to Austin for phase 2 of my coding journey/ “real life”!
I hope this helps anyone else out there dealing with the difficult combination of learning to code and imposter syndrome. As always, you are not alone!
Your friend in code,
Rachel
